Pulse Read online

  Pulse

  A Novella

  (Med Rom Series Book 2)

  Kristine Dugger

  Damaged Series

  Damaged

  Broken

  MedRom Series

  Flatline

  Pulse

  Once Upon of Love Anthology

  It Was Always You

  Copyright © 2018 Kristine Dugger

  All rights reserved.

  ISBN-13:

  Dedication

  To my PA, Nichole Dennis. Oh my goodness, I don’t know where to start with you. You are truly a one of a kind friend. The last two years, you have stuck by me and encouraged me the whole time. You never allowed me to give up on my dream of being an author. You have pushed me to be better and to accept who I am. This I am truly grateful for. To my sister from another mister. Me love you!

  ~Love, Kris

  CONTENTS

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  chapter 4

  chapter 5

  chapter 6

  chapter 7

  chapter 8

  chapter 9

  chapter 10

  chapter 11

  chapter 12

  chapter 13

  chapter 14

  chapter 15

  chapter 16

  Epilogue

  From the author

  Acknowledgements

  About the author

  disclaimer

  No part of this eBook/book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author.

  This is a work of fiction. Any names or characters, businesses or places, events or incidents, are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Pulse’s Playlist

  1: My Perfect Drug – Arson City

  2: Breath – Through Fire

  3: Fall Apart – Post Malone

  4: Careless Whisper - Seether

  5: It Must Have Been Love - Roxette

  6: One Step Closer – Linkin Park

  7: Whatever It Takes - Lifehouse

  8: Strip It Down – Luke Bryant

  9: Dance for You – Beyoncé

  10: Love on the Brain - Rihanna

  11: Live Without Your Love - Chicago

  Prologue

  As much as I hate her, I still love her. But she made her choice, she chose him. The safer option. It pisses me off. I hate seeing that she is actually happy with her choice. She is always smiling. Call me stalker-ish but it is hard not to see her at the hospital. She is the trauma dietitian and I am an ED doctor. Odd thing is, I notice her but she never looks my way to notice me. It drives me insane. It is as if we never happened. What bothers me the most about this thing with Paige is, I can’t get her out of my head.

  Every time our friends get together, I hope to get a chance to see her. Unfortunately, she is always too busy to come and hang out with us. I know it is because of me. Greg has told me the times when I cannot make it, she just happens to be there.

  Why is she avoiding me? Last I checked, she is the one who ended with me via a note. I should be the one avoiding her. Who the fuck does that? It is a very immature way of ending it with someone. What was she afraid of? Her fucking feelings? I let her get too close to me. I let her in. She demolished me. The fucking bitch. No matter how many girls I bang, she is still the one who gets to me. No one else compares to her.

  My pathetic ass still loves her.

  Chapter 1

  Click. Click. Click. My heels clink down the third-floor Intensive Care Unit hallway. It is just another day at my office - charting patients, talking with families, joking with nurses, and rounding with the doctors. Nothing has changed much in the last six months. My life is far from the normal I was hoping for when I got back together with Jake.

  We have changed.

  I have changed.

  However, I am still the work-obsessed nutrition expert I have always been. Except with a little more pickup in my confidence, a little more sass in my talk, and a little less submissive in the bedroom. Jake still has no idea what to do with me. One would think having a woman who was more comfortable between the sheets would be an adventure. Unfortunately, the sex is still quite bleak, resulting in me using my battery operated boyfriend a little more frequent.

  Is the love still there? Kind of.

  Jake has been becoming more and more distant in the last three months. I am fine with it. I have been knee deep in doctoral courses along with working full time. He knew this when we got back together. There is no changing my career and education goals. Take it or leave it. He took it.

  Walking down the bleak, dingy gray hallways to room 3810, I am preparing myself to see a family to discuss nasogastric tube feeding and my recommendations. Britnee is standing outside the room on the computer. I walk up to her, “Hey, how are you doing?”

  Her nose scrunches up and she says, “Meh!”

  I laugh, “So, meh?”

  “Yeah, it’s slow. Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying it not being chaotic. I’m just looking for a little more action.”

  “You know action in the ICU is usually not a good sign.”

  “I know.” She pauses, “What are you doing tonight?”

  “Going to bed early. I am on-call this weekend.”

  “Meh.”

  “Exactly. Well, I better go in and speak with 3810’s family.”

  “Have fun!”

  Before I grab my screening sheet, she gets my attention one last time. “Hey, Paige.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you and Jake going to Greg’s cabin in two weeks?”

  I sigh, “Jake will be out of town. I haven’t decided if I am going to go.”

  “You know Del will be pissed if we don’t come. I guess Greg wants us all there.”

  “Do you want to go together?”

  “Yeah, I mean, since Jake isn’t going. If he were going, I, um, probably wouldn’t go.”

  I wink. “Britnee, will you be my date to the cabin?”

  Her eyelashes batt, with one hand on her chest. “I thought you would never ask.”

  “Dork.”

  “Nerd.”

  “Love you. Now, get back to work.”

  “You too, sista.”

  Britnee walks away from our patient’s room and on to her next patient.

  I smile at the thought of going to the cabin. The last time I was there, I was with Leo. It was a pivotal moment in our relationship. We got to know each other and realized there was more to us than just fucking. There are more days than not that I miss him.

  I know it is too late to dwell on the possibility of making the wrong choice. I can’t regret the decision I made. Jake was the safer option, and probably still is. But there is this part of me that sucker punches me in the stomach, causing me to doubt every decision I have made in regards to my love life. Leo haunts my dreams. When I pleasure myself, I think of him, not Jake. It doesn’t take much for me to cum with him in my head. This is not right. This is mind fucking another man.

  ***

  Later in the evening, Jake and I are sitting around the dinner table discussing his work and how busy he is right now. He never asks about my day. It is usually, “my dad wants me to do this,” and “my dad wants me to do that.” It drives me postal to hear him complain about his father. It is like he forgets that I don’t have a father alive anymore. Life is way too easy for him. He comes home to his apartment with dinner on the table provided by me, he complains about his father and his dad expectations, then we have meaningless sex, he falls asleep, and I usually head home
sexually frustrated. I guess, if he is happy, that is what matters.

  “Paige. Paige,” says Jake, trying to get my attention.

  I blink while shaking my head. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

  “You’re not at work or school, so stop thinking about it.”

  He has no idea what I am thinking about.

  I take a deep breath. “I have an upcoming paper due on Friday. I’m just trying to figure out how I’m going to get it done in time. The hospital has been busy and I’m exhausted.”

  “Tell me about. My dad wants me to take on another client. My workload is enough.”

  “Well, that isn’t a bad thing. It means business is good.”

  His deep, hollow brown eyes stare at me. “Paige, he needs to hire another employee. I have enough work.”

  “I’m just saying it’s good for business. What’s one more client?”

  “Of course, you don’t understand. Mrs. Work-a-holic who thinks she’s God’s gift to the working force.”

  I start to play with my food. He is being a complete jackass. No matter what I say, unless it favors his opinion, it doesn’t matter. I sigh, “I’m sorry. So, are you okay with me going to Greg’s family cabin in a few weeks without you?”

  “You know I don’t care. I’ll be out of town at a golf tournament. You have fun with your friends.”

  “Well, it would’ve been nice if you could come.”

  “Nah. Not my scene.”

  “Okay.”

  He winks at me. “You ready for the bedroom. I have an early morning. We will need to make this quick.”

  I nod in agreement. He gets up and heads to his bedroom. I follow like a little-lost puppy wanting her owner to pay attention to her. This is quite pathetic. When I approach his room, he has already stripped naked and is laying on the bed. He motions for me to lie down on the bed. “Come on, baby.”

  I undress myself. Here goes nothing. I lie flat on my back on his bed. He climbs on top and enters me. He thrusts fast and weak. Nothing. I close my eyes to imagine it is Leo grinding on me. It is the only way to make this somewhat pleasurable. My stomach flutters just at the thought of Leo flipping my legs up on his shoulders, motioning his hips, slow and steady, as his cock fills me. I moan. This is what I need. I can’t remember the last time I got off by a man.

  Jake moves faster, causing a slapping noise as he pleasing himself. He will be coming soon. This is what he does. Fast and boring. Then a groan and he suddenly stops. He is done.

  He peels himself off of me, leaving me sexually frustrated and craving something else, well, someone else.

  There isn’t much to us after our lack of sex. We get dressed and I leave for home. I hate feeling like this. Maybe, this is what I get for leading someone on. It is still not right. I honestly feel Jake is my number one. I am trying to convince myself I made the right decision in choosing him. Yes, I’m dwelling on my decision. I need to be a big girl about this. There is no changing the decision I made. But my lovely type A personality never lets me forget the what if. My current relationship is practically the same as it was when I was with Jake the first time around. I’m not happy. How do I handle this shit?

  Chapter 2

  Here is to a lovely weekend on-call again. I love my job but I hate coming in on the weekends. I used to thrive on coming in on the weekends. I get the whole hospital to myself. I’m not just working in the Unit but I get to dabble in other disease states such as cardiovascular, neurological, oncology, gastrointestinal disorders and diabetes management. It is literally like Christmas for a medical nutrition therapist. Geeking out over nutrition and how it can help improve one’s diseased state is the ultimate high. Well, it was. My career goals have changed since I started my doctoral work. Working in a hospital isn’t so much my end game in my career, I want to pursue teaching future dietitians about the wonderful world of nutrition. Things are changing in my world, for sure.

  Fuck, has it been busy at the hospital this weekend. I am on my third TPN recommendation. This one is very complex. I can’t just say provide the standard formula. This time, it is a renal patient with a fluid restriction and elevated potassium. For the most part, I am not feeling my recommendations. I hate when I get that gut feeling telling me to keep working on it. I’m just afraid the patient’s albumin will drop if there is not a lot of protein provided. Unfortunately, we have to tread the water lightly with the protein.

  In the middle of hoping that this is the last calculation I will do on this patient’s recommendations, I jump at the sound of my pager going off. I sigh. My pager makes me cringe. I grab it off my belt.

  The page says:

  Consult: ED, Rm 55 – Low Sodium Diet

  What the hell? This is a rarity!

  Who the hell asks for a dietitian in the emergency department? Well, that is going to have to wait. Low sodium diet instructions are low priority.

  Once I finish up my TPN recommendation, I head down to my office to grab some education material on low sodium diet. So stupid. This consult is fucking annoying. I mean, for real? Low sodium education in the ED is a waste of time. Being in the emergency department, nutrition is the last thing anybody is thinking about, let alone cutting back on salt. However, I should be grateful that this physician thought about a dietitian for education but is it really warranted? Not so much.

  I found an open computer in the ED. Before I go in and start rambling about salt, I need to figure out why this patient is needing this type of education.

  55 y.o. male patient with pitting edema and elevated blood pressure. Weight: 115.9 kg. Height: 165 cm. BMI: 45.8 kg/m2 (morbid obesity), Origin: Hispanic, Religion: Catholic. PMhx: Diabetes, obesity.

  This patient is needing more than just diet education on sodium. How in depth do I want to go with this? I look at his weight history to see if there is a pattern of weight loss or gain. The patient’s weight has been trending up for the last year. His current weight gain is more than likely added fluid but you can’t ignore the trend. I wonder how his blood sugar have been. I look at his blood sugar history. His hemoglobin A1c is 8.5%. This definitely could be a lot better. He needs a full nutrition workup. I look to see if he has seen a dietitian in the past. No notes have been documented. He has had no-show appointments with the nutrition diabetes educator. Okay, I can see why this physician has consulted me.

  The smell of antiseptic and musk catches my attention. I look up to see him. My body tenses up. Leo briefly glances at me, like I am just some stranger. He does a double take and stops. He turns, “Paige.”

  I stand up. “Leo.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I, um, was consulted for a low sodium diet.”

  His expression was puzzled. “Who consulted you for that?”

  “I did. And the patient is ready to leave.” Both Leo and I turn our head in the direction of the stern female voice.

  Leo laughs, “Steponowski, you would consult nutrition to do education in the ED.”

  This Steponowski character looks at me. “Are you going to see the patient or not?”

  “I plan to. I was just looking over the patient’s chart when Leo came by.”

  Her hands on her hips, “That is Dr. Davis.”

  Leo intrudes before I had a chance to speak. “Steph, we know each other.”

  “I don’t care. My patient has been waiting a while for her to come. Instead of chatting it up with you, she should be doing her job.”

  At this point, annoyance and anger is starting to explode. Keep calm, Paige.

  Time for me to get firm with this power trip of a doctor, I say, “Well, Dr. Steponowski, I was working on TPN recommendations in the Unit. Last I checked, that trumps low sodium education. I had to prioritize.”

  With one eyebrow up, giving me a snarky look. “Well, when does the dietitian have time to see my patient?”

  “On my way now.”

  During this more than fantastic conversation with this snob of a fucking doctor, Leo just stands th
ere watching the spectacle of interaction. I pick up my binder with my education material. Giving her the death stare, I comment, “I will chart on your patient when I am done unless you have someone else you want me to talk to while they are here.”

  Dr. Steponowski didn’t bother to reply to my snotty comment. Oh fucking well. I hate when doctors act like this. It is like their time is the only valuable time. I am the only dietitian here on the weekend. I can’t just drop what I am doing because they want it right now. Yes, I do know that the docs run the show at the hospital, but to be downright rude about it is another story. I have no clue what is up her butt. If her job is stressing her out, maybe she should look into doing something else.

  Leo interrupts my thought process. “Don’t worry about her. It has been over the top busy today. We are on edge.”

  I look at Leo. “Doesn’t give her the right to act like that?”

  “Well, Paige, it was good to see you. I need to get back to work.”

  “Bye, Leo.”

  He walks away, leaving me completely and utterly still to the world around us. He looks sexy as ever in his light blue scrubs that hug all the right places. In the last six months, I have not run into him. You would think, since we work in the same hospital, we would at least have one run-in. But no. When we parted ways, I did everything in my power to make sure I didn’t see him. I even took the long way around the hospital to avoid the ED corridor. It connects the old and new hospitals together. But now, avoiding a run-in with him is the last thing on my mind. Granted, he is all I have been thinking about lately. God has a twisted sense of humor, let me tell you. I miss him. I miss his smile, his witty, dirty remarks and the way he made me feel when our bodies became one. He allowed me to let loose and give in to whatever desire I was feeling. He embraced exploration. He allowed me to be the woman I always hoped I would be. What am I doing here?